


Elysian Fields

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Character Study, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e02 In the Shadow of Two Gunmen Part II, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-17
Updated: 2006-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:00:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14790971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: This is a trip into the (possibly addled) subconscious of Josh while he's out cold. A character study with a special guest. (It might be a bit sad, but hopefully in a happy way.)





	Elysian Fields

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This is pretty different to what I usually write, so I'd love any feedback you have. Also, it's my very first TWW story! I just thought Josh needed some... \"closure\" for certain events in his life.

It's dedicated to July because she made me watch The West Wing in the first place, and has been so very encouraging. It's also for my Twinness whom I miss so much and is my muse in life!  


* * *

**Written:** 2006-05-12  


_Nobody knows what human life is_  
Why we come, why we go  
So why then do I know  
I will see you  
I will see you  
In far off places? 

The heart knows why I grieve  
And, yes, one day  
I will close my eyes forever  
But I will see you   
I will see you  
In face off places 

\- Morrissey, 'I Will See You In Far Off Places'. 

*** 

He's leaning against a tree at the top of a wide green hill overlooking a fresh meadow filled with bright green grass and small yellow flowers. It's picturesque and almost too perfect. Everything is softer than usual, and though he can't remember ever coming to such a beautiful place before, it all feels familiar and comforting, like maybe he's always been here. 

"Hey, Joshie." He turns to see a young teenaged girl sitting about a meter away from him, chewing bubblegum. He's almost surprised to see her there, but not really, and doesn't answer for a second. "Whatcha doing?" she asks when he doesn't reply. 

"What?" he asks, more for show than anything. 

"What are you doing?" she annunciates very slowly as if he's particularly stupid. 

"Well, you're here, so apparently I'm dreaming." 

"Wrong as usual, Joshua." She replies with a dismissive tone and flick of her hair. 

For some reason he has an urge to pull her hair, but suppresses it and argues with her because it's the natural thing to do. "No I'm not." 

"Are too." 

"Am not." 

"Are too." 

"Am - how _old_ am I?" he asks rhetorically, running his hands through his hair and looking around. 

"I don't know." She answers blithely, "Really old, like, forty or something." 

He rolls his eyes and sits down next to her. "Gee, thanks, Joanie." 

"You're welcome." She flashes him a big, insincere grin. "You're dead, Joshua… or, dying actually. But that's not much better." She doesn't break it to him very gently, but snaps her gum loudly. 

"What?" Again, it's more for show because he's not exactly surprised. He feels like he should probably be shocked by this announcement, or at least devastated. "No I'm not." 

"Are too." 

"Am not." 

"Are too." 

"Am - no. Not doing that again. I'm dying?" he asks, just to clarify the issue. 

"Yep." 

He digests this news and protests weakly. "But… I don't want to die." He pauses and then adds, "That would suck." 

"Gee, thanks, Joshua." She mimics his previous statement with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. 

"Well it would, Joanie! There are so many things I haven't done! I haven't… gotten the President elected again, I haven't won a bar fight, I haven't… I don't know… climbed Mt. Everest." He finds his voice getting higher as he goes on. "I didn't get to pitch for the New York Mets!" 

She snorts derisively at that comment. 

He glances at her with amusement. "Very lady-like, Joanie." 

"Well, come on, Joshua; you throw like a girl." 

This offends him. "I do not!" he exclaims defensively. 

"Uh, yes you do. You always get picked last in gym class." She tells him, not concerned about the pride she's injuring. He decides to set her straight on that issue. 

"Well… not anymore. I'm a man now. I have a good arm, I'll have you know. My arm is somewhat legendary. People have heard of my arm. People are in awe of my - " 

But she cuts him off with a wave of her hand. "Whatever. Don't you want to know what happened to you?" 

He shrugs and says, "I guess so." 

"You were shot." 

This jolts him back into his normal self. "Oh, God, Rosslyn - the President! CJ, Sam -" he exclaims frantically, jumping up. 

She tugs his arm in an almost reassuring way. "Relax, Josh. You were the only one stupid enough to get seriously hurt." 

He sits down again slowly, scratching his head in a bemused way. The feelings and memories of his life seem distant and vague, and he's preoccupied for a few moments by the soft light all around him. Joanie snaps her gum loudly and he asks, "So, I'm really dying?" 

"Pretty much." She says without concern. 

He looks down at the ground and absent-mindedly pulls out some tufts of grass. "What's it like to be… you know?" he asks gently. 

"It's not so bad." 

He turns and studies her face closely. She seems sincere and for a second the idea of spending the rest of eternity with his big sister takes his breath away and he feels a warm, safe sensation that he hasn't experienced since he was nine years old wash over him. He smiles at the familiar pigtails with fuzzy pink hair ties and inquires enthusiastically, "Do you… do you have… special powers or something?" 

"Sort of. I can see the future." She tells him. 

This is exciting to Josh, and his eyes light up. "Really? You've gotta tell me, will the President get re-elected?" 

She shakes her head vigorously. "I can't tell you! That'd be cheating." 

"So what? You always cheat." She opens her mouth at this, but he presses on quickly "Yeah, like the fact that you won Monopoly _every single time_ had nothing to do with you always stealing from the banker." 

Joanie blushes slightly. "Shut up." 

"Make me." He dares her. 

"I can't tell you. Anyway, it's not like that. Time moves differently here. It's not defined in the same way. It's not like I can say 'Oh, these are the numbers for the lottery next week.' or 'In two years, The Mets are going to win the Series.' I just… know stuff." She turns to look at him carefully. "Like, I always knew Dad was going to die, and when it came close, I sensed that it was about to happen. You know what I mean?" 

Josh considers this before asking "So you can't tell me how many people are going to cry at my funeral if I do end up dying?" 

"No. Plus, that's stupid. I only know important stuff." She lifts her chin up with superiority. 

He raises his eyebrow. "It's stupid that I want to know if a whole country will mourn for me?" 

Joanie just shakes her head and throws some grass at him. "Gosh. I think your ego grew one square yard with every year you aged." 

This makes Josh laugh softly. "Funny, that's what Donna says." A small pang shoots through him when he mentions her name. 

She rolls her eyes theatrically skyward. "Donna. It always comes back to Donna." 

"What?" He asks in confusion. "I haven't even mentioned her. You don't even know her." 

She smiles knowingly at him. "Not technically, no. But I kind of spend my time watching over you. Like a guardian angel, you know? Anyway, I get to meet the important people in your life. There are, like, these profiles on them. Donnatella Moss - she's pretty awesome. But I guess you already knew that, right?" The knowing smile is out in full-force. 

"What are you talking about, Joanie?" he asks, his face all screwed up in befuddlement. She's being just as cryptic as - well, Donna. 

Joanie decides to pick her battles. "Nevermind. Probably not the best time for this discussion. You've got to, like, not die, Joshua." She urges him, changing the subject easily. 

Josh sighs and looks away. "Well, yeah, I'm sure that's easy to do. People have been not dying and living eternally forever." 

"It happens." She shrugs back at him. 

He pulls some more grass out of the ground. "Maybe to mythical figures. I mean, I know I'm pretty special - I wonder how the country will be able to function without me; I exude a kind of authority mixed with a certain charm, you know - but I don't think I'm capable of resurrecting myself." 

She looks at him with exasperation. "Just shut up, would you? You can't die. Think about Mom for a second. Sam, Leo… The President. Not to inflate your already huge head, but they kind of need you. And Donna. The people who love you." 

Josh looks up in surprise. "What? Donna does not - Donna doesn't _love_ me. Not like _that_." He voice starts to get higher and higher as he continues, more to himself than Joanie. "Sure, we have a really good relationship but she won't even bring me coffee, you know. Unless I'm about to be fired or something. And when I'm hungover, but then it's cold and -" 

She claps her hand over his mouth in mid-sentence. "Geez, were you always like this? I guess I've only been remembering the good times. Look, as a woman, I know a thing or two about love." 

He snorts at this comment. "As a woman?" he repeats mockingly. 

She flips her hair indignantly. "I'm thirteen years old, Joshua; I know about love." 

"Since when?" he asks skeptically. 

"Do you remember when Jimmy Pullman asked me to the seventh grade dance?" 

"But you wouldn't go with him because he had braces and you didn't want to be seen with 'Tinsel Teeth'." Josh replies with a smirk. 

"Still, I know about these things: Donna loves you. And you love her. You're just too much of a dumbass to realise yet. But that's okay, 'cause you've got time." 

He decides to ignore this because what Joanie's saying to him is making him feel flustered and he's not ready to admit why. "I thought I was dead." 

"Yeah, I'm working on it." She informs him. 

Josh takes a deep breath and stares really hard at the ground. "Joanie?" 

She senses something in his voice and turns to look at him. "Yeah, Josh?" 

He can't look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm - I'm sorry." 

"For what?" 

"For… for you know! _You know!_ " the words come out harshly and Joanie momentarily taken aback. 

She purses her lips and shakes her head. "Sorry, Josh, I don't." 

He's starting to get hysterical. "For the fire, Joanie! For leaving you! For running away without you! For starting it! For not coming back! For everything! For - " 

"Shhh, Josh. Calm down." She tries to rub his back soothingly but he shrugs her off. "Please. No more apologies, okay?" 

"But it was all my fault!" he's on the verge of tears now as it all starts to come out. 

"First of all: Get over yourself. Like you could have stopped me doing anything." she takes his chin in her hand and forces him to look at her. His eyes are wet and wide with grief. "Second: it _wasn't your fault_. It was an _accident_. Do you understand that?" He shakes his head away from her. 

"But I left you. I left you and you _died_. And I missed you - I missed you _so much_ \- and I - But I forgot! I forgot what it felt like when you gave me a piggy-back ride. I forgot what your voice sounded like. I forgot how many damn freckles you had on your nose. I forgot what it was like to have an older sister. And then when people asked me 'So, do you have any siblings?' I said 'No.' I said, 'No, I'm an only child.' They would say 'Oh, it must be weird not having any brothers or sisters, but you get all your parents' attention, right?' and I shrugged. _A shrug_. That's all you were." He chokes. 

She pulls him over to her and puts her arm around his shoulders. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter." She says into his hair. He's nine years old again. 

"I'm so sorry, Joanie." He apologizes. Thirty years of guilt are starting to slip away. 

She smiles and squeezes his shoulders. "God, do you ever listen to me?" she asks softly. 

"I did that night. You told me to run so I did." But he's lost his conviction. 

"Yeah, exactly! You ran and you lived! And you know what a couple of decades of being happy and peaceful teaches you? That everything works out. That what happened was the right thing to happen. Sure, I didn't make it, but my little brother - my annoying little twerp of a brother who couldn't even reach the top cupboard, or throw a ball straight - he was fine. He was more than fine. He's a man now, with some kind of legendary throwing arm. Really, Josh, it doesn't matter." 

There's a pause and Joanie takes her hand off Josh's arm. He looks around at the gentle, untouched hills that roll in front of him, but he isn't overcome by that feeling of ease and carelessness this time. He stares at the daises and notices a patch has been trodden on, flattening the flowers. 

"The thing is, I can't tell you half the stuff I'd like to." Joanie interrupts the silence. 

"What?" 

"I mean, there's stuff you should know - Amy, geez, what a waste of time - but I'm not allowed to tell you, you understand?" 

"Not so much, but I'm used to that." He replies with a dimpled grin. 

"Thought you would be." She smiles over at him cheekily and he sticks his tongue out in response. He studies the ground closely for another moment. 

"Am I going to remember any of this when I wake up?" he asks, turning to look at her again. 

"Nothing specific. That's not how it works." She answers apologetically. "Did you remember the time I warned you not to go out with Mandy?" 

He laughs wryly. "God, I wish I had!" 

"Hey, don't blame me! I tried my best." He meets her eyes and feels the sadness a little more strongly. "Look, you've got to go soon." She hops up as she says this and offers her hand to Josh, who takes it reluctantly, and asks, 

"I do?" with a furrowed brow. He's not ready to leave her again. "But I don't want to. It's… it's nice here." He finishes lamely. 

"760 verbal my ass." She jabs him in the shoulder playfully. 

"Hey! I nearly died! You should… you should cut me some slack and - and treat me with care and respect!" he whines with a pout. But she's already turned around and is walking quickly up the hill behind them. 

"Josh? I've missed you too." She's even further away now, and he wants to run after her but somehow knows he shouldn't, so he stands still and calls out to her forlornly. 

"Don't go yet, Joanie!" 

She laughs at him affectionately as she turns back to him. "Cheer up, Joshie! I'll see you again." And she grins at him and waves before she continues walking. 

"That's what I'm afraid of!" She's almost at the top of the hill now and for a second he thinks she disappears. 

"Don't be." She reassures him with another laugh. 

"Bye, Joanie!" he yells to her retreating figure. She turns back one last time and stares at him for a minute. He looks right back, memorizing everything about her. She gives him a little shrug and a final wave. 

"See ya, Josh!" and she's about to be over the hill, when she calls to him, "Hey, just be ready for what's going to happen next, okay?" and she's gone. 

"Why?" he asks softly, looking at his surroundings, which seem to be humming and flickering. "What's next?" 

__Think back to fields of Catherine  
You used to play  
I swore I heard you laughing  
And almost say 

"Pull your morals down,  
Take away the past  
And let the past be gone" >

\- Cotton Mather, 'Lily Dreams On'. 


End file.
